


I Would Ruin Myself

by imthehotgirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Boys Being Lovable Idiots, Changing POV, Coming Out, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Not Actually Unrequited Love, Sharing a Bed, Summer Vacation, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29906661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthehotgirl/pseuds/imthehotgirl
Summary: James's aunt and uncle have a beach house in the States that they're letting him use the summer before his final year at boarding school. Naturally he invites his best mates along because things are just better when they're all together. And his girlfriend Lily Evans, of course, because the mere thought of spending an entire summer away from her is unthinkable. She invites her girl friends along and that's when things really get interesting for them all.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenofSchmoop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofSchmoop/gifts), [shaneo6930](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaneo6930/gifts).



> So, this fic came about due to my listening to the bleachers' song 'Rollercoaster' at an opportune moment while thinking of these 4 boys, like I've been doing more and more lately. These idiots (said with love) are keeping me in my happy place. 💗 And then after feeling broadsided by the idea of a road trip, and just immersing myself in the absolute nostalgia and pure ache I've felt for over a year to be reunited with my friends in a capacity such as this, I began to write this out.  
> I am however deeply grateful for my friends I have online, which is why I'm dedicating this one to them. Thanks to their continued support, cheerleading and love over the years I finally feel capable of writing (however inaccurate/fictional in some ways) about my teen years in a way, as hard as I tried, I wasn't able to thanks to my crippling anxiety and need for perfection. Love you both.  
> Updates will be slow but (hopefully) worth the wait!! Enjoy!!! 🥰

“Boys, looks like we’re headed to the States!” James had declared, unceremoniously dropping a letter into Sirius’s lap, which Sirius proceeded to read aloud amid much interruption thanks to Peter and Remus.

“What the hell are you on about, James?” Remus demanded, looking up from the book he’d been engrossed in, rubbing tiredly at his eyes as he did so.

“Blimey, the States! Really? Where abouts, James?” Peter asked excitedly.

Sirius held up a finger to his lips promptly shushing them. “If you lot will kindly let me finish, you’ll find out!” he growled, resuming his reading of James’s letter.

Peter cringed, giving his friends an apologetic smile while Remus on the other hand just let out an annoyed sigh, rolling his eyes at Sirius’s theatrics before waving his hand in a ‘get on with it’ motion.

As it happened James’s aunt and uncle had a vacation home in Rhode Island along the beach that they normally used over the summer. But with the last of their brood, James’s cousin, Genevieve, off to boarding school, they decided to vacation in Fiji.

“Bless her, your aunt has sent photos!” Sirius exclaimed delightedly, passing the pictures of the home and surrounding property over to Peter and Remus. “They couldn’t bear the thought of the Rhode Island home vacant all summer, so they’ve given you permission to use it how you see fit. Lovely. And by that I mean it’s bloody fantastic how you’ve managed to maintain the ‘well brought up nephew of ours’ façade for so long, James. Congratulations, mate,” Sirius continued, a devilish smirk curling his lips.

“Oh, shut it,” James muttered, color flooding his cheeks. “So, you lot in or what?”

“There really was no question, was there?” Sirius asked. “Of course we are. Mind you, once we get abroad we’ll have to find a car with a boot large enough for Remus’s trunk full of books he’ll be bringing with.”

Remus scoffed, his mouth falling open. “I-I bloody will not be taking a trunk full of books along!” he protested. “Two or three novels at the most,” he reluctantly admitted, his mouth turning down into a scowl when his friends laughed at him. “Piss off. Bunch of gits. The lot of you,” he grumbled, placing his chin on his folded arms, which rested on the small table he sat at.

“And yet you want to spend your entire summer with us, don’t you? Lucky bastard,” Sirius teased, batting his eyes, and pursing his lips playfully. 

Remus rolled his eyes again, shaking his head, unable to prevent the small, fond smile that graced his features as he and Sirius held each other’s gazes for a moment.

“Are the girls coming along as well?” Remus asked in an attempt to change the subject, mentioning James’s girlfriend Lily Evans and her friends Mary MacDonald, Dorcas Meadowes and Marlene McKinnon who attended the all-girls boarding school a few miles away from their boarding school.

James grinned, his eyes falling to the floor as he ran a hand over the back of his head.

“Course they are, Remus. If you must know I ran it by Lily first,” he admitted, his eyes glazing over slightly as he became lost in thoughts of his girlfriend.

They all glanced in Peter’s direction when the sound of a whip cracking rang through the air. “And this app continues to pay for itself,” Peter said gleefully, holding up his phone.

Sirius and Remus both started laughing once they realized what Peter had done.

“Laugh it up now, boys. I gather you won’t be laughing long once one of the girls shows an interest in the likes of you lot,” James told them with a smug grin.

Remus’s laughter died rather abruptly in his throat once James’s words fully registered. He readily returned his attention to the book in front of him again in an attempt to avoid being dragged along any further into the conversation James was intent on having with them.

Looking at his book also gave him an excuse not to glance in Sirius’s direction again either, like he’d been tempted too more and more as of late.

He wasn’t blind by any means. He’d always been aware on some level that Sirius was attractive. He just wasn’t entirely sure what to do with that information for the time being other than ignore it and hope like hell nothing would change like he feared it would if he investigated things any further.

This road trip James and Lily were intent on them all partaking in seemed like an excellent distraction for whatever he happened to be feeling.

**


	2. Chapter 1

Once they’d landed at the T.F. Green Airport in Rhode Island a few weeks later and had gotten a rental car, things really got underway.

James climbed into the driver’s seat and began putting the addresses into the GPS for his aunt and uncle’s and a nearby grocery store where they could stock up on food and other necessary items for the weeks to come.

“Brilliant. The girls will meet us at the grocer’s and then we’ll head out to Aunt Sarah and Uncle George’s from there,” James said to Peter with an easy grin.

Having climbed into the passenger seat Peter readily strapped himself in and set about readying the playlist he’d made for their road trip to the beach house.

“Oi, you lot! Hurry it up!” he called out to Sirius and Remus through the open passenger window.

From their vantage point within the car they heard the muffled thumping sounds of the boot of the car being shut, hurried footsteps, and then Sirius and Remus were soon joining them, nearly collapsing into the backseat.

“What the bloody hell kept you?” James demanded, attempting to appear cross, but his smirk that curved his lip a moment later gave him away.

“Remus’s trunk of books of course,” Sirius replied, waggling his eyebrows, and letting loose a sharp bark of laughter. “Hey!” he cried out when Remus smacked him in the arm.

“They know I didn’t bring a bloody trunk, idiot. No, we were held up, thanks to this one,” Remus said, jerking his thumb in Sirius’s direction as James finally backed out from their parking space and headed out onto the road. “Couldn’t stop flirting with the flight attendant.”

Sirius grinned at the comment. “Couldn’t be helped, Remus. You know how weak I am when it comes to elderly women resembling Betty White. Marsha was utterly delightful, all right? Who was I to tell her she couldn’t show us pictures of her grandchildren? She was proud of them. It was adorable.”

Remus flashed him a small smile. “Yeah, all right,” he admitted.

Sirius chuckled, gently shoving Remus’s shoulder. “Ooh, Remus, you old softy. I knew you appreciated my efforts with Marsha. Helps I’d gather you’re both staunch bibliophiles, yeah?” he asked with a wink.

Remus snorted, color rising to his cheeks at Sirius’s words before turning his attention out the window.

**

“Aren’t they just precious?” James asked Peter softly, nodding meaningfully toward the backseat of the car.

Immediately twisting in his seat to get a better view, Peter’s face lit up taking in the scene of both Sirius and Remus asleep in the back, Remus’s head on Sirius’s shoulder.

“Yes, they are quite cute,” he readily agreed, a devilish smirk crossing his features before he grabbed for his phone and snapped a few pictures of their sleeping friends. “Never know when we could use the blackmail material,” he said with a shrug.

“Brilliant,” James replied, chuckling.

Once they arrived at the grocery store and James had pulled the car into a parking spot he picked his phone up from where it’d been resting in the console and checked it for any incoming texts.

“Any word yet from the girls?” Peter asked him.

“Blimey, yeah. They’re here already, hanging round the front,” James told Peter after reading a few texts he’d received from Lily, pointing toward the front entrance. “Bugger. How’s my hair, mate? Anything in my teeth?” he demanded suddenly, doing the best he could to use the rearview mirror to his advantage in terms of fixing his appearance if necessary.

“Relax, James. You look fine. Uh, great even. That’s what I meant. But really if anyone should be freaking out right now it should be me, yeah? I mean Mary…she-she…” Peter was quick to reassure James, but trailed off, desperation welling in his eyes as he thought about reuniting with the girl he’d grown rather fond of in the past year.

“Pete,” James murmured, squeezing Peter’s arm in a reassuring manner. “Mary’s not going to know what hit her, mate,” he insisted.

Peter gave him a small, grateful smile. “Thanks, James. You ready to wake these losers and head in?”

James nodded. “Go on then,” he agreed with a smile.

Peter leaned over the console and pressed down on the car’s horn, not releasing it until both of the boys in the backseat had awoken with a start.

“What in the blasted bloody hell?!” Remus exclaimed in surprise, his eyes blown wide while his voice, gravelly sounding, held an irritated edge to it as he spoke.

“Fuck you, Pettigrew,” Sirius growled, his eyes narrowed toward the two boys in the front seat, flipping Peter off for good measure, running a hand roughly through his hair.

James had collapsed against the driver’s side door in an uncontrollable fit of laughter, finally sitting up enough that he could high-five with Peter.

“You lot are awful,” Remus grumbled irritably to Peter and James, removing his seatbelt, and abruptly exiting the car, slamming the door behind himself for good measure.

“Remus,” Sirius protested, readily following after his friend, leaving James and Peter behind.

“Did I go too far?” Peter asked hesitantly, giving James a worried look.

“Not at all,” James rushed to reassure him. “It was an effective method of rousing them. And you know how cross Remus is when he first gets up, mate. Best not show them the pictures just yet though,” he advised.

**

“Remus, hold up. Please. James and Pete were just having a laugh. You know they didn’t mean anything by it, right?” Sirius asked, trying to keep up with Remus’s angry, focused stride as they drew closer to the front entrance of the store. “Rem. Come on, mate.”

Remus’s eyes slid sideways, taking in Sirius’s harried expression and demeanor. Sighing heavily, he reluctantly slowed his pace. “I’m aware, Sirius. I’m just bloody exhausted. Jetlagged, you know?”

Sirius nodded in understanding, putting an arm about Remus’s shoulders as they walked. “All right. But the four of us, we’re going to have an amazing summer together. Count on it. If that doesn’t sway you, how about the knowledge you’ll get to be spending the next several weeks with Dorcas? And I’ll of course be charming the lovely Marlene,” he said with a lascivious wink. “Just you wait, Rem. We’ll have a marvelous time this summer, you and me,” he continued in a soft promise.

Breathing sharply through his nose, Remus swallowed thickly, wishing like hell that the tears suddenly prickling at the edges of his vision were simply from jetlag and not because he wanted nothing more than for Sirius’s words to be meant for just the two of them, their friendship, and not for him and the girl he supposedly had a thing for.

**

Once James and Peter finally caught up with them, they all convened outside the front of the store for a bit longer, chatting, catching up.

Before long Sirius declared he was in dire need of a smoke and suggested they get on with their shopping so he could buy himself a pack of cigarettes.

Remus, sitting on a bench located in front of the grocer’s, continued to keep his gaze on the car park.

“Rem? You coming with, mate?” Sirius asked, successfully pulling Remus from his vacant staring at the random cars passing by in search of a parking space.

“What? Oh, I-I…” he trailed off, giving Sirius a weak smile, his eyes briefly flitting over to Dorcas who was tugging on Marlene’s hand, encouraging her friend to enter the store while Marlene stood indecisively, waiting it seemed, for Sirius to follow after them.

Sirius walked back toward Remus, crouching in front of him and lightly putting his hands on Remus’s thighs as he did so. “’s all right, Remus. I can ask James to get me the smokes if you’d rather I stay here with you?” he offered genially.

“No. No, of course not. You go on ahead. I’ll be fine on my own,” Remus insisted, a more genuine smile gracing his features.

“You’re sure?” Sirius asked hesitantly. “I’ll only be a few minutes.”

“Go on then,” Remus encouraged, his smile still in place.

“Relax, Black. I’ll stay with him,” Lily promised.

“Yeah? Thanks, Evans,” Sirius said, his relief at her suggestion palpable. “I’m bringing you back a surprise,” he told Remus firmly, reaching out and squeezing Remus’s fingers briefly before getting to his feet.

“O-okay,” Remus replied with a startled chuckle, not expecting Sirius to make such a random yet thoughtful declaration. 

The two of them watched in silent amusement as Sirius head inside the store with Marlene and Dorcas before James sauntered over to them, giving Lily a soft smile.

“I’ll be back in a bit, love,” he promised Lily, kissing her cheek.

Lily returned his smile with one of her own. “All right. Go on then,” she said with a soft laugh.

“Don’t get into too much trouble out here, you two,” James told her and Remus sternly before giving them a wink.

“You’re impossible, James!” Lily exclaimed, her laughter growing louder.

Once James had headed inside with Peter and Mary at his side, Lily turned toward Remus, her head tilting to the side so she could catch his gaze, which had lowered to his trainers. “So, tell me something…” she began.

“Hmm?” Remus hummed, running a hand over the back of his head.

“How long have you fancied him?” Lily asked.

Remus’s brow furrowed. “Him who? I don’t…You don’t mean James, do you?” he demanded in alarm, the color readily leeching from his face at the horrible thought.

He cared for James a great deal, naturally. He was one of Remus’s best friends after all. But the idea of having feelings for him, fancying him left an unpleasant, sick knot roiling in Remus’s stomach.

Lily’s lips curved into a small, amused smile, chuckling as she shook her head. “No, of course not, Remus. I was referring to Sirius,” she told him.

Remus blinked as he processed Lily’s words. “Oh. I mean, no…? No, of course I don’t fancy him. Sirius…Sirius is one of my best friends. It’d be rather awkward. Me-me having feelings for him. Wouldn’t you agree?” he asked, biting down on his lower lip as his gaze once again shifted to his trainers.

Lily nodded. “All right. But it’d also be perfectly understandable, Remus. That’s all I’m saying,” she replied, squeezing his hand.

“Well, I-I don’t,” he insisted firmly, swallowing thickly. “I can’t,” he choked out a moment later, continuing to avoid meeting Lily’s eyes.

“All right, Remus. Just know I’m here if you ever want to talk,” Lily whispered, looping her arm through Remus’s.

“Thanks, Lils,” Remus replied hoarsely, resting his head against her shoulder, letting loose a heavy sigh as they waited for the others to finish up within the store.

**


End file.
